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HUSBAND: A man who leads WITH his wife, not above or beneath

God has not called me nor any godly husband for that matter to lead over his wife, but rather WITH his wife for the sake of a union expressed in unity.

In the beginning before the fall of mankind, there was no question between Adam and Eve as to who was in authority and what the hierarchy infrastructure of the family unit looked like. Adam never reasoned that because he was created first that that granted him automatic authoritative rights over his wife. Neither did Eve reason with Adam that because he needed help and God created her that she was over him. They both were created the same day and when God addressed the commission of taking dominion it was to both of them (Genesis 1:26-28).


That’s easy…GOD. Both Adam and Eve were created on equal plain, both accountable before God and each other. Adam was his sister’s keeper and Eve was her brother’s (speaking of each other). God NEVER gave consent that a body part was more dominant than another! Paul in the spiritual sense reaffirmed this when paralleling the Church to be the Body of Christ and indicating that not one part or member was more important, but they all need each other.

However because Christ's position of authority over the Church and in identifying the mystery of such relationship within the confines of marriage, a husband is called to walk out such an example of authority in role, but not usurp such authority in deed.

The scriptures Ephesians 5:22-23 & John 15:13 encourages one thing concerning unity and that is the need for GREATER LOVE to be manifested all around, ESPECIALLY between a husband and wife.

Christ the greatest of all, laid down not only His life, but His authority starting in the Garden of Gethsemane and all the way to the cross. He could have called angels, He could have lorded His Lordship, but NO, He came as a servant by which he told his disciples that the servant in The Kingdom of God is the greatest. A servant evokes no authority, he has no first or last say, but rather God who is FULL authority and is the beginning and end, Alpha and Omega, has the overall, first and last say.

When Paul mentioned the husband being the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church…the word “HEAD” was known differently to the Greek to be “SOURCE”. Paul was not illustrating a hierarchy in the home about a husband and wife’s place, but rather He with Christ was confirming with the verses before and after this inspired statement that BOTH husband and wife need to lead side by side. Wives submit as unto Christ and Husbands lay your life down as Christ! The focal point is back on being LIKE CHRIST who is the demonstration, the example and bridge of God's intent for mankind prior to the fall! In Ephesians he uses the word head with a different meaning then when addressing a similar message to the Corinthians. Peter addresses the authority nature of a husband and the response of the wife in his own epistle, but in Ephesians Paul is addressing the nature of unity and the role each spouse is to take on as together they exemplify Christ and The Church.

Now we know since after the Resurrection of Jesus that ALL POWER and AUTHORITY is His! We also know that HE came to redeemed us BACK to the Father and we see in His life, way and accomplished work on Calvary that He came to restore mankind BACK to the initial way for mankind to live in UNHINDERED obedience and harmony with The Father!


by Charles Trombly in “Who said Woman can’t teach?”

"How did the Christians reading of Paul’s epistles understand the term “head” or “headship”? How is it used in the Greek in the New Testament? KEPHALE is used 57 times, and 50 times it refers to the physical head of a man or animal. But Paul used it figuratively seven times, and these are the particular passages which we will get into. Of the seven time kephale is used figuratively, only two of them are interpreted as meaning male dominant headship. (1 Cor. 11:3 & Eph. 5:23) so we will give special attention to these.

Wilson’s Dictionary of The Bible Types says “The word heart is used in the Scripture to indicate many attitudes of the mind and many various kinds of affections and reactions.”

The heart, the inner man, was thought to include his intellect, will and emotions. Almost all authorities agree that the heart was considered the source of thought and emotions, and the “head”, the source of life. Note the psalmist’s cry, “Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear…When thou sadist, Seek my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, O’ Lord will I seek” (Ps. 27:3,8). But the heart does not speak or think, the mind does. To say “Thy blood be upon thy head” was to charge a person with responsibility for life or death. (Josh. 2:19, 1 Kings 2:37). When the high priest laid his hands on the head of the scapegoat, he symbolically laid collective sins of Israel on it. The animal’s head represented the source of life, substituting for the life of the people. To them the head was the source of life.

The head wasn’t the source of life, the heart was. Therefore if we force a modern understanding, even though it’s more accurate, into the ancient usage of kephale, Paul’s true meaning is lost.

God’s laws weren’t written on man’s mind but on his heart (Ps. 37:31). Man’s heart doesn’t think; his mind does, but to them it was used the opposite. The springs of life proceed out of the heart (Prov. 4:23). We read, “as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: (Prov. 23:7). However, we now know the heart pumps blood and has nothing to do with thought process. Paul said we must believe in the heart in order to be saved (Rom. 10:9). Yet the context was preaching and hearing the gospel, information received through the head.

When Paul used the word KEPHALE –“Head”- he meant what we think of as heart."


As for me, I have realized and do believe my wife is not a second class citizen in The Kingdom! As God created woman from the side and not the head of man nor his foot, God has intended for me to walk with my bride side by side, taking dominion together.

"Well what if you both disagree?" you may ask. My reply is, we then we MUST work it out to an agreement with much prayer together and consideration first on the word, as well as for each other. The Bible says if we as husband and wife do not agree or if the bond between us is not completely side by side, then God will not answer our prayers individually! Why? Because I am not greater than my wife and she is not greater than me all together and in context of unity and not distinct roles given to each spouse.

We are ONE FLESH and must learn to WALK TOGETHER, because WE NEED EACH OTHER!

I am NOT the King of my house, Jesus is. I am NOT the king of my wife, Jesus is and she is not the King of me, Jesus is.

The authority I have that is shared and equal to that of my wife, is such to cultivating our covenant in unity and training up our children. Also we have authority over sin and the enemy because of our inheritance in Christ as born again Kingdom citizens, as anyone else who is born again through Christ!

God could have come in the form of a woman, but did not, NOT because men are better. It was because ADAM unlike EVE was the one who DELIBERATELY SINNED.

In an Old Testament law found in Leviticus, God granted greater grace shown upon those who sinned unknowingly than those who sinned deliberately. Henceforth God came in the form of a man named Jesus to pay THE GREATEST PRICE for you and I, that we must be restored, man and woman in both knowledge of obedience thus coming into a NEW LIFE!

I must give an account before The Lord first as a son, servant, then a husband, father, Minister, etc… My wife as well before our Lord as a daughter, servant, wife, mother, Minister, etc…


Any real Christian would agree that the Bible says two people MUST be equally yoked in marriage. I believe God intended this so that though one can call 1,000 angels to flight when warring against spiritual principalities, then two can call 10,000 to flight! Two is better than one and yet God called two to become one in holy matrimony between one male and one female.

Some have expressed their appreciation and love for the marriage Laurel and I share. Though we are far from perfect, we do hold this as a common core belief and walk within our union. We do not believe one is greater than the other, hence we are more mindful in the words we speak to each other and we know who is in AUTHORITY in our house, our Lord and Savior. We both pray and commune to Jesus together as well as separately. We know that when agreeing together and in both the spirit of unity and unity in the spirit that we can and will overcome Satan at every turn! This is how we destroy the little spiritual foxes/demons that come to spoil our vineyard of Marriage and The Home.


It was because both Adam and Eve sinned, God told them that the nature of sin would take hold of them by which they are to overcome and die to! (Genesis 3:14-19) God wasn’t deferring from his initial plan and order for mankind in how they are to related with each other, even in the confines of marital union and the home. The RESULT of sin after their disobedience ALTERED EVERYTHING! The woman’s sinful desire would be to overcome her husband and his sinful desire would be to rule over her. CONSTANT CONFLICT is the spawn of sin! The same is said concerning everything else God said to Adam and Eve from child birth, to working in the field. Sin causes us to labor!

But the good news is that the woman is saved in childbirth (experiences the fruit of life) and the man experiences the replenishment of life by his (their labor). Before the fall Adam and Eve didn’t have to labor, but rather maintain peace and dominion together over the garden.

But I got good news, Jesus overcame sin! If He can, so can we also only through Him!

You know why when our children become older they will not have to go to dad if mommy said “No” about something and vice versa? Because my wife and I will carry out the same authority and agreement of it that The Lord has given us together and as we are accountable to His Authority, toward our children! There will be no need for me to tell them to ask mommy or the other way around, because to the best of our ability and by God's grace, we will walk in agreement. Not sure about something, then we will privately talk about it before giving an answer to our children. If I or my wife spoke without consenting to each other, then we would apologize to our children and share the way my wife and I agree and they ought to follow.


I believe if someone doesn’t get this understanding, then they have not come into more of the fullness of New Covenant living! It's not a question of one’s salvation, but definitely a question of one’s measure in obtaining all the benefits Christ has so graciously given unto us and knowing the way a husband and wife interact together!

God has gifted men and women differently physiologically so together they can rely on each other as we walk out the commission of Christ, taking dominion, multiplying naturally/spiritually, etc. But God has not “gifted” or granted authority differently between a husband and wife.

I believe though it is meant well, pure and holy, the area of Authority in the home is one of Satan’s masterpieces, because if he can encourage some idea of both spouses not being exactly side by side equally under the sight and authority of God; then already we risk wrestling with the same problem Satan had which caused him to be kicked out of heaven and that was not properly discerning the place of AUTHORITY God has granted.

The cross I am called to carry is not my wife, nor my boss or the atheists, agnostics, Muslims, etc. who always wants to argue with me. My cross is my attitude and my carnal flesh!

It feeds the PRIDE of a man to know or have any sense of a granted/claimed AUTHORITY over his spouse, and Pride comes before a fall!

Therefore I am to lead WITH my wife, not over her. There is no exception to the rule when it comes to children and parents, for children are not in marital covenant with their parents, but rather a result of it! To "rule" your home, doesn't mean to become the dictator of it, but means to lead by example and cultivate the home together with your wife.

With this truth one can very well fill in the blanks to their understanding of women in the Church and in place of Apostolic Authority, because Jesus was also the GREAT LIBERATOR of woman as well as to men. Not the liberator in the sense of the familiar spirit of America’s woman’s rights as we know it today, but the way the Kingdom of God establishes through Christ and King Jesus!!

As for me and my house, we shall serve The Lord! Joshua 24:15

May the Lord bless you and keep you and your spouse together in Him!

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